Revsing an old piece

Perseverance Revise an Old Piece 

Day 1: Eggs

1. When i was wrighting this piece I was at home on my bed and i was listening to my favorite artist Billie Eilish. To be honest nothing was really on my mind except for the song i was listening get to which was idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie and this song is kinda sad so I guess that that influenced my thought process and why i was talking about preservirance. 

  2.  When wrighting this passage intially I wasn’t thinking about what sentences i was creating was more so thinking about the story. now that I actually analyze this passage i see some independent

clauses i see some dependent clauses and a lot of Fan Boy. I don’t see to much of a pattern but I guess you could say i see more of the independent clauses come before anything else. 

    3.  In this piece i noticed how much i defined the word perseverance before getting into why i liked the word because i wanted the reader to understand why i liked this word without having to go to the internet to look up the definition. 

   4.  My intentions for this piece were to showc everyone why perseverance was my favorite word and why i liked it so much. 

Day 2: Exploring the garden

Feedback from a peer 

My partner told me to try not say the same or repeat the same things over again like over and over. Or so so sorry. She explained how she saw the thememe as a girl that was trying to get into a dance program and never made it but I saw it as just an example of why my favorite word was perseve rance and how it can help you get over bad situation. My partner also told me that she saw the word perseverance being used a lot which gave her a clue about my paper rather than me having to tell what it was about. Overall my partner said is was a clear piece but, I could work on repeating the same words over again.  

The Final Piece